dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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