He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
