Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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