Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
