help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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