He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
