I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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