Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
