But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize