I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
