I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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