so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
