Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Rumble strips road head = magical
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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