we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
