So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my sisters under your porch take her home
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
