Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize