if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
