My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
