We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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