He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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