Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
