On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
