I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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