have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
