my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize