i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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