He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
