My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My breasts were aching with rage.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
