If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
