she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
tonight lets celebrate not being married
should my penis look like a turkey
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
