I just pynch a tree in the face
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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