Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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