Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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