Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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