Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
