So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
