Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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