the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
