I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize