you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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