everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
