you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We're too hungover to prance.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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