Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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