youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
