hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
