i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
