i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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