I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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