Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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