i think my mom watched the whole time
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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