You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
