he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
