It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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