New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
only if we run a train.
done.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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