there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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