All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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