end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
