she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
