there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
