Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
last night I used snow as a chaser
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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