I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
