do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
