he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
