Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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