please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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