He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
