: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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