she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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