I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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