ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
