I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
